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Radiance, Chapter #1

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Chapter #1

History has a funny way of leaving the villains out of the story in order to glorify the hero, making the reader feel pity for the hero while letting them only feel scorn for the villain. Frankly, that's not fair for either the hero or the villain. It ignores the flaws of the hero and makes the villain seem like they only have flaws.

It is said that a villain is merely a victim who's story has not been told.

This is a villain's story. You've all heard the story of the Snow Queen, the eternal winter in summer, and the acts of true love

This is not that story. This is a story about a Fire King and the girl who was his radiance, though he never basked in her light for fear he'd douse it. She was the port that prevented him from sinking, though he never clung to it for fear he'd burn it.

I'll tell the story of the Fire King and his radiant one.


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It was 16 years before the infamous wintery summer in Arendelle. The gates to the castle were still open and Princess Elsa was still playing with her little sister with no fear of her own powers. Every day, the young princess would create anything with her powers or let little snowflakes fall onto the little nose of princess Anna.

She was in awe of her powers. She thought them beautiful. They made her feel special because she thought she was the only one to be graced with such a beautiful gift.

Little did she know that she not the only one. She did not know that there was another story unfolding in a country not too far from Arendelle. A story that was, in many ways, her own.

To the south of Arendelle lay a country called the Southern Isles, appropriately named for its many isles and islands. This old country had been ruled for generations by the powerful Westerguard family. The Westerguards had built quite a reputation both at home and abroad as being ruthless yet great leaders, with expertise in both land and naval combat. That was not the only reputation they had built. Every kingdom on Earth knew that the queens of the Southern Isles had developed an immunity against daughters.

For more than 8 generations, only sons had been born to the Westerguards. Some saw it as a blessing, others a curse. Regardless of what it was, the later kings of the Southern Isles began praying for daughters, fearing the ambitious sons they produced would destroy their country. Not one had their prayers answered.

Until King Nikolaus II.

Two years before the Kingdom of Arendelle was graced with a princess, Nikolaus' third wife, Catherine Desrosiers, gave birth to his thirteenth son and his first daughter. The kingdom rejoiced for they finally had the princess they had dreamt of for so many years. Fireworks and celebrations were set off all over the kingdom to welcome the princess. Not one cared for the little prince that was born with her.

Little Prince Hans was left in the dust by his father and 10 stepbrothers. Only his mother and two blood brothers, Edvard and Frederick, showed the little prince the affection and love all children deserved. As the years passed, another came to show the prince love.

Princess Henriette spent every waking moment with her twin brother, much to the annoyance of her stepbrothers. It would take a miracle in the heavens to separate them. They were loyalty and trust, wisdom and experience, day and night, body and soul; you couldn't have one without the other.

The bonds were so strong that when it was discovered that Hans had the power of fire in his hands, Henriette didn't feel an ounce of fear and didn't reject Hans like their stepbrothers did. She'd often ask him to show off his powers and play with them.

And play they did. Through day and night; through their parents' divorce and their father's new marriage. It was always a magical time, filled with love and fun.

Until one day, it all drastically changed.

Seven year old Hans was sound asleep in his royal bed as billions of stars twinkled in the night sky. The young prince had pleasant dreams of winter, playing with his mother, Edvard, Frederick, and Henriette in the snow. He sighed contently in his sleep, not knowing someone was sneaking to him.

"Psst, Hans." Came a small whisper beside his bed. Hans groaned as he felt someone climbing onto him, "Hans! Wake up, wake up!" The figure started bouncing, promptly waking the prince, though he kept his eyes closed,

"Henriette, go back to sleep." He mumbled, attempting to go back to sleep. He was used to this by now. Henriette often woke him in the night, claiming she had heard the call of adventure and that they would have to venture forth and seek the adventure. As he expected, it didn't work. He let out another groan as Henriette dropped her full weight on him.

"I can't." She whispered into his ear, "I heard the call, so we have to go find it!"

"Go find it yourself!" Hans exclaimed, pushing Henriette off of him and the bed. The princess grunted as she hit the floor, pouting. She bit her lip, trying to think of a way to convince her brother to come with her. She wouldn't go on an adventure without him, she absolutely refused to go without him. She gasped when she came up with an idea. She quickly climbed onto the bed,

"Why don't we go look for it in the ballroom?" She asked innocently. Hans opened his eyes and gave her a cheeky grin. For most people, it was a simple and innocent question but for the twins, it held much more meaning. Quickly grabbing their shoes, they slid like shadows down the halls of their home towards to the gilded ballroom.

Henriette threw open the door, giggling uncontrollably, and Hans followed her quickly, shutting the door behind him. They ran to the middle of the ballroom.

"Do the magic! Do the magic!" Henriette exclaimed, bouncing with excitement. Hans giggled with her as he rubbed his hands together. When he separated them, a little ball of flame, floated in the middle. Henriette gasped in wonder as the little ball became larger as he spread his hands more. Without a word of warning, Hans threw the ball into the air. It exploded when it nearly hit the high ceiling, sending a thousand little sparks down at them. Henriette held up her hands to catch them, giggling uncontrollably.

"This is amazing!" She screamed, chasing the sparks and trying to catch them. She ran an entire circle around the ballroom when she stopped by Hans, smiling brightly.

"You ready?" Henriette nodded excitedly. Hans stomped his foot on the ground. Thick, molten lava appeared briefly before solidifying into beautiful, black volcanic glass that spread all over the room. Henriette watched with repeated awe as Hans rubbed his fingers into his palm, little sparks appearing, "Watch this!" And he held his hand out to the now black floor. From his palm shot fire that instantly hardened into black glass to create pillars and walls. He threw his hand here and there to create a miniature palace around them. Giggling, Henriette ran up the tiny staircase in the center and stood at the top.

"I am Queen! Bow before me!" She called in a silly voice. Hans fell to his knees and bowed deep,

"Oh, my Queen, please be nice to me! I'm just a peasant!" He called back, playing the role perfectly. Laughing, Henriette ran back down the stair, pulling Hans up and dragging him to explore the rest of the palace.

They played and played and played. They played King and Queen in the castle or played with one of the toys Hans had created. During all this, Hans had made a necklace for Henriette. It was nothing extravagant, just a simple black string with a circular black stone that had the letter H engraved into it. Afterwards, Henriette decided to be daring and climbed onto the roof of the palace and walked along the edge, skillfully keeping her balance. She smiled at Hans,

"I'm coming down. Catch me!"And she jumped. Hans quickly shot out his hand and created a tall  pillar on which she landed. She jumped again, "Again!" Hans shot out again, this time creating a shorter pillar. She landed smoothly and jumped again. Hans shot again and created another beautiful pillar but Henriette slipped on the smooth stone. She screamed as she desperately tried to grab hold of something to prevent her from falling but there was nothing.

"Henriette!" Hans screamed, shooting his powers accidently as he ran to her to catch her. He just barely caught her, her weight dragging him to the floor, "Henriette!" He exclaimed, taking her onto to lap. She felt warm and was unconscious, "Henriette?" He said with a shaky voice, watching in horror as a black streak appeared in her auburn hair. He must've hit her with her powers. Tears formed in his eyes,

"Edvard! Frederick!" He screamed, hugging Henriette closer to him. As tears fell from his eyes, he heard the miniature palace crumble and every toy burst into flame before disintegrating into the air, leaving behind a disgusting smell of smoke. He hugged his sister closer, "I'm so sorry, Henriette." He sobbed into her shoulder. The doors slammed open and Hans saw the figures of his two blood brothers running to him, both careful to not step on a crumbling stone.

"What happened?" Frederick asked, the nine-year-old crouching down beside Hans. The little prince hugged his sister again.

"It was an accident." He cried as the 12 year old Edvard felt Henriette's forehead, gasping lightly.

"She's burning up! Get a doctor!" He screeched at Frederick. He nodded and scrambled up, running past the crowd that was gathering by the entrance of the ballroom. Edvard leaned forward to place a hand on Hans' shoulder, flinching when he felt Hans shudder under his touch, "Hans, give Henriette to me." He said as gently as he could. Hans looked up at his brother with red eyes, reluctant to let his sister go, "Please." Edvard begged but Hans refused to let his twin go. It took 5 minutes and endless reassurances and promises for Hans to hand Henriette to his brother. Edvard carried Henriette out of the ballroom to her room with Hans on his heels.

It was fortunate that Frederick had taken the doctor to the twins' room but unfortunate that the rest of the royal family had been woken by the commotion. The remaining 10 sons, Nikolaus, and Queen Mathilde all stood scattered around the room, waiting in bated silence for news of the condition of their precious princess.

After ages of waiting, the doctor moved away from the princess towards the King. There was a moment of fearful silence, seeing that the doctor, while knowledgeable of Hans' powers, did not have the means to cure curses or other ailments caused by magic.

"The princess will be fine. The fever is already going down." There was a conjoined sigh of relief from the family, "Your Majesties." The doctor said politely, bowing to the family before leaving the room.

The King paced to the bed, affectionately stroking the still burning cheek of his daughter, looking down at her with concern. He frowned when he saw the black streak that now decorated her auburn hair; he didn't need to guess who caused it. He looked at Hans, the young prince staring at his sister with fear in his tear-brimmed eyes while holding his hands to his heart.

"You!" The King sneered. He paced to his youngest son, roughly grabbing him by his ear and some of his hair. The child cried out in pain as the King tugged, the child grabbing the elder man's wrist to try and lessen the pain. The King glared at him, "I pay great sums of money to buy the silence of the servants and you have to jeopardize it all with you stupid games!?" He stuck his head closer to the child's face, "And you nearly killed Henriette while you're at it!" He spat in Hans' face, some saliva splattering on the child's cheeks.

"I'm sorry, Father." Hans cried, tears rolling seamlessly out of his eyes. The King was about to yell again, scream at his son for his idiocy, when the King felt a burning pain on his wrist. He screamed and let the child go.

Hans fell to the floor as his father kept screaming in pain. Through the blur of his tears, Hans could barely see the burns on the King's wrists from where his hands were only moments earlier.

"Monster. Monster!" The King screamed, lashing out to the child again.

"Father! Stop!" Edvard screamed stepping in between his brother and father. The room fell silent only broken by Hans' quiet sobs. "Maybe we can compromise." Edvard stuttered, looking over his shoulder to Hans.

"How?" The King sneered. Edvard, Frederick, and Mathilde pulled the King into a forgotten corner, speaking quietly so none of the other brothers could hear what they were saying.

Hans simply stared at the floor, full aware that his stepbrothers were glancing at him with the utmost disgust. Hans couldn't help but blame himself for what had happened. If only he hadn't agreed to play with her, none of this would've happened.

Too soon, they came from the corner. The King pulled Hans up roughly by his shoulder and forced him onto his feet.

"We've come to an agreement." He spoke loudly, glaring down at his son as the others all waited in anticipation for what the King would say. Nikolaus pointed at Hans, "You must learn to get those powers under control, do you understand? Until then, you are confined to your room. Only Edvard, Frederick, and a handful of servants may enter freely. When you have them under control, you may go around the castle freely again. If you leave before that,  you will be punished accordingly. Agreed?" He asked sternly. Hans glanced at the unconscious body of his sister

"And Henriette?" He asked in a small voice.

"For her sake, I forbid you from coming near her. I will not risk you killing her. Now, are we agreed?" Hans felt his world collapse around him. He couldn't be apart from Henriette, he just couldn't. She was his best friend, his only friend. But if he stayed with her, he could strike her again and she might not be so lucky that time.

Pulling his hands to his chest, Hans nodded.
This is just an idea I came with while I was at work. If you want me to continue this, please leave a comment. Do note that if I'm going to continue this, it might be a while before the second chapter is added because I want to finish my other major fiction first
EDIT: I'd really like to have this critiqued, so if you have five minutes to spare, I'd love to hear your feedback. Thanks
© 2014 - 2024 Petalouda85
Comments4
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Mihawk-Fan's avatar

Hello,

This is a critique of Radiance, Chapter 1.

First off, I have to say that this chapter is very well written. I did not find any grammar mistakes in the chapter. It really grabbed my attention, when I began reading it. But there is one mistake that I could find: Little did she know that she (she's or was) not the only one. There is two different ways of writing that sentence.

 

There is a perfect amount of details and descriptions well placed throughout the chapter. Some authors put too much details in and it becomes overwhelming and boring or put not enough details in and it does not hold any interest. But I did not find that here.


I really enjoy reading this chapter. I want to the author Petalouda85: Keep up the good work and the wonderful writing. I look forward to reading more upcoming chapters.